Wake up Nyckolai!
I said wake up, Nyckolai!
Look at your life. Look where it has lead you.
Look at this meaningless depiction of happiness.
Head against the wall now, Nyckolai. Spread your arms. Wider.
Feel the cold smooth metal in my hands pressed hard against your head.
Feel the engravings etched on its side, as I run it across your cheek.
Stop crying.
You wanted this.
Hand me your wallet.
Know that I've be watching you. Every move you make, every person you’ve slept with.
I know you, where you go, what you eat. I even know your three weeks, six days, and five hours behind in rent.
Can you Remember two days ago? Remember waking up sure about everything. Tell yourself that life no longer hurts, that you were finally happy. Get up, Get up now from that camping cot of a bed. Walk to the closet, reach for that shoe box buried deep in the back. Pull out the gun. Remember running you fingers across the engravings etched on its side. The feel of the cold smooth metal. Remember putting it in you mouth. Remember the taste.
Shut up. Turn around. Open your mouth.
I said Remember the taste!
Think of all the things that ran through your mind that justified you, and likewise me, into pulling this trigger.
I said wake up, Nyckolai!
Look at your life. Look where it has lead you.
Look at this meaningless depiction of happiness.
Head against the wall now, Nyckolai. Spread your arms. Wider.
Feel the cold smooth metal in my hands pressed hard against your head.
Feel the engravings etched on its side, as I run it across your cheek.
Stop crying.
You wanted this.
Hand me your wallet.
Know that I've be watching you. Every move you make, every person you’ve slept with.
I know you, where you go, what you eat. I even know your three weeks, six days, and five hours behind in rent.
Can you Remember two days ago? Remember waking up sure about everything. Tell yourself that life no longer hurts, that you were finally happy. Get up, Get up now from that camping cot of a bed. Walk to the closet, reach for that shoe box buried deep in the back. Pull out the gun. Remember running you fingers across the engravings etched on its side. The feel of the cold smooth metal. Remember putting it in you mouth. Remember the taste.
Shut up. Turn around. Open your mouth.
I said Remember the taste!
Think of all the things that ran through your mind that justified you, and likewise me, into pulling this trigger.
Remember you want this. Need it. Crave it. Begged for it.
Stop crying now. Beg for the solution to all of your problems and faults.
On your knees, now!, hurry there isn’t much time
Beg me, no us, to end it and do what you couldn't alone.
On the floor. Put your head against the carpet. Prepare yourself to die. No better than an dog in a back alley way of this run down decrepit apartment.
Stop crying. Remember you asked for this while seated on your bed, contemplating redecorating your room with bits of you. Try to pull the trigger. Unlock the safety.
Chicken out.
Remember chickening out.
Remember what caused you to stop. Take that tear soaked barrel out of your mouth, and say "I'll do it tomorrow."
Your worthless, you always say “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
Recall yesterday where the same thing happened. Think about this morning. Understand that I am just here to help you with something you can't do by yourself.
Stop blubbering. Don't make a scene. Ask me to end it now.
Stop it Nyckolai.. Stop craving life when death is just a nod away. Don't realize that all your problems are fixable and that there is still so much for you to enjoy. Take the easy out that I offer. The one you begged so much for.
Fine, put your gun away.
Remember that it's only going to get harder. Make your own enjoyment out of it.
Take your wallet. Use the money I put in there to pay off your debt. Go shower. Go to sleep. Wake up and enjoy your morning. Eat a balanced breakfast, call your current flavor, go to work. Work at bettering yourself. Try to Live life to its fullest.
Call me what you will, next time, this is all on you..
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